When the going gets tough you gotta remember that ain’t too many real ones left. If you got real people in your life you better praise God bc it’s horrible in these streets. Most people wear a mask or share a fraction of themselves. Their true intentions hidden for another agenda. Just keep your eyes open and stay prayed up. 👁👁 #lastofadyingbreed
Today is my 34th birthday and I decided to take these photos as a marker of change. 33 was a hard year for me and to be honest I thought I wasn’t gonna make it to 34. However, God obviously has other plans for me.
In life you have to endure with your HEAD HELD HIGH and always remember to speak LIFE (NOT death) into any situation. I know I’m here for a reason and even if I don’t fully know that reason yet.. I know anything I do I will do it glorifying God.
Have you ever been in a situation where you thought you had everything you ever wanted, but you weren’t happy? Have you ever created something from nothing into a successful brand and then had to let it go? Have you ever been all the way to the top only to crash all the way back down? Well, I have.
Sometimes when I think about how my life used to be, it seems like it never happened. I look in the mirror and see myself but then it doesn’t really feel like me.
It’s been almost 4 years since I would consider myself a professional blogger. That title in my rolodex retired when I closed down Concrete Loop. But as they say, “once a blogger, always a blogger.” I always seem to come back to this in some way.
Writing is therapeutic to me and I still see it as an outlet. I have matured because I don’t need all the co-signs anymore and don’t need all the fake love. I just want to be someone who can look in the mirror and appreciate the reflection that stares back.
“It was all a dream..” – The Notorious B.I.G.
It was the Summer of 2010 when I was plotting my takeover of the black blogging world. At that time I had already been blogging professionally for well over 5 years and I was close to realizing my dream of being a media powerhouse.
I had recently moved to NYC from a small town in North Carolina and from the outside looking in, I had it all. An office on 5th Ave a couple blocks from the Empire State Building. An apartment in Manhattan that was just a hop skip and jump away from there. Celebrity “friends” on speed dial to get exclusive content. Free trips to cover swanky events and keynote at important seminars. Even a best-selling book that inspired many of the blogs you may read today…. But we always romanticize things when we look back, don’t we?
It was now 2014 and I had built my brand for almost 9 years. Throughout that time, I learned that to get to a certain level in the entertainment realm, you have to either give up a piece of yourself or create a whole new person. So I started to wear a mask when I left my apartment to attend events but that mask was slowly starting to crack. In fact, I’ve always been a homebody and never really liked crowds and there I was making a living out of being in one.
One of my staff members (who was rather new to the industry), would always get so excited about meeting a celebrity at a gig she covered. I secretly would think, “If she knew how they really were in person she wouldn’t be that excited.” That made me feel bad because I was once that person who was elated that Kanye West called me or Beyonce invited me to her listening party. But when you realize that it’s all a game, that shine fades away.
No one knew it but during those last years of running Concrete Loop, I was very depressed. I was even contemplating suicide. In a sense, I had become paranoid and trusted no one. I even started to pull away from the business that I had grown from nothing.
If you were a reader during this time, you probably noticed I would go on hiatus randomly or stop updating the site for days on end. My staff would have to pick up the slack. I was clearly walking around with functional depression and hiding my true thoughts through this new mask I created. It was clear that I’d become burned out.
By this time, the glossiness of this new thing called blogging had faded and the business side started to become stressful. I put my all into that business because it was all I had. I sacrificed a lot during those years because I was after the bigger picture. When I went to the office, I worked. When I went home, I worked. It never stopped.
Additionally, I never took a real vacation because every time I traveled it was work related. I never took myself too seriously because it all started as a hobby. I never even finished college because I dropped out thinking I was set for life. As a result, I created what some may call a monster and it was literally killing me.